Before I Wake
by Shattered Mirror01
Summary: All Cloud wants is to have one night's sleep without seeing the hellish image of Sephiroth in his head. But when he takes things too far, Leon will have to chase away the nightmares. Angst, deals with suicide. CloudLeon, rated for safety. Oneshot.


**Hello, there! I thought up this Cloud/Leon fic after I went on a Cloud/Leon reading spree and while I was sick and most likely delirious. It is ANGST, alright? Not very good angst, but it was my first try, alright? Oh, and who's older? I think Leon is. Or am I wrong? **

**I promised I'd have this fanfiction up before 8:45 on Saturday night and voila! Or has the stupid time change came in?! Am I late?! Crap, I don't know!!!!!! **

**WARNING- DEALS WITH SUICIDE. **

**Dedicated to: My best friends for putting up with me! **

* * *

He tossed and turned fitfully beneath the sheets, trying and failing to get comfortable. He moaned in frustration, aiming a kick at the pillow that had been tossed near his leg. The moonlight shone far too brightly to be normal, making him squint in distress. The bright red numbers of his alarm clock stared back at him mockingly, and when they finally registered in his mind, he swore. 1:53 a.m.

Cloud shifted again, laying on his side. He'd lost count of how many nights of sleep he'd lost these last few years. The exhaustion was taking its toll, weighing him down like the anchor of a ship. All of his limbs felt like they'd been pulled in a thousand different directions at once, and his concentration was slipping like sand through an hour glass. He could barely lift his buster sword.

Of course, he hid it from the others. So far, so good, but Cloud had already noticed Aerith's anxious stares. He couldn't hide it from everybody.

He sighed, then aggravatedly beat his pillow. He closed his eyes, trying for the millionth time to let himself fall asleep. But as his eyes closed, that's when he saw it.

That sword, stained crimson blood of innocents… 

_The flames, eating up everything in sight…_

_That sneer, that superior, devil-like smirk…_

_Those eyes, gleaming with insanity…_

Cloud jerked, opening his eyes and pulling himself into a tight little ball. He tried to keep his breathing as even as possible.

Sephiroth. His darkness. Every time Cloud closed his eyes, the silver-haired madman was _there, _completely inescapable. He was _there, _at every corner of Cloud's mind, standing at the edge of the blonde's sanity, taunting him, tearing him apart into tiny, irreparable shreds. Sleeping made it even worse, because he had nothing to block it out with, nothing to focus on. His insomnia was quickly turning into a phobia, because no matter how hard he tried, Sephiroth continued to haunt him.

Cloud sat up, masaging his forehead. If he could just _find _him…_kill _him…then it would be all over.

He slipped noiselessly out of bed and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He knew one way that would help him fall asleep.

He turned on the light and opened the medicine cabinet, searching amongst the multicolored bottles until he spied the one he wanted. Prescription sleeping pills- they were Yuffie's. Cloud figured that, considering how hyper the ninja was, she wouldn't need any help falling asleep. But when he'd discovered the little bottle of pale blue pills almost two weeks ago, it quickly became his new best friend.

Cloud opened the bottle up slowly, his eyes fluttering tiredly. He'd already had two a few hours ago. Nothing had happened, and sleep had brushed him by. He was getting impatient. He counted out the pills with his fingers. 1, 2…5…8… and that was the whole bottle.

Cloud swallowed them all in one go, not even bothering to drink any water with it. If he didn't fall asleep now, he didn't know what he'd do. Something in the back of his mind was screaming at him, telling him that he'd just made a terrible, horrible mistake, but he ignored it. He just wanted to _sleep. _No dreams. No Sephiroth. Just _sleep. _

He fell back into bed, covering himself up with the thin sheets and closed his eyes again. Nothing happened. Smiling with relief, he sighed, and burrowed deeper into his pillow.

Cloud still had that tiny smile on his face when he stopped breathing.

* * *

Leon stood and stretched in front of the fireplace, popping his joints so loudly that he was surprised when no one woke up. Staying up late was nothing new for him, but with the restoration of Hollow Bastion getting more and more demanding each day, he was looking forward to getting some shut-eye.

The only reason he was awake now was for patrol. The Restoration Committee could handle Heartless, but these new beings –the Nobodies- were proving a little more difficult to dispatch. And they'd already attacked Merlin's place twice. Not wanting to take chances, Leon insisted that somebody stand watch at night, just to make sure that the Nobodies didn't launch a surprise attack.

Of course, Yuffie absolutely _loved _him for that. He knew she was planning some sort of revenge for him, but Leon really didn't care to think about what she had in mind.

The clock chimed the hour, and Leon walked upstairs, looking forward to finally falling asleep. It was Strife's turn for duty next.

Leon was the only one who called Cloud by his surname, but that was because the blonde would always call him 'Squall', no matter how many times the brunette had threatened to castrate him. It irked him, and Strife knew it too.

Leon didn't really want to admit it outloud, but he thought it was kind of…nice. Even though 'Squall' was a just a memory, a dishonorable, cowardly memory in his mind, he kind of liked it when Strife called him 'Squall'. There was just something about the way he said it…Leon couldn't describe it. It just fit.

He berated himself for thinking that, and headed upstairs to Cloud's room. He wondered if Cloud was having trouble sleeping again. He knew that an unsettling insomnia plagued Cloud, but the blonde never complained. He never said a word about it, just drank half a dozen cups of coffee and tried to keep from falling over. Aerith was worried about him too, but there really wasn't anything the two concerned people could do.

Leon could see it, though. Everyday, even when Cloud did manage to catch a decent night's sleep. He was _tired._ Not just physically tired- that was painfully obvious. Leon could see it, whenever he dared to look into Cloud's glittering blue eyes. He was emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Leon was surprised to find Cloud's door already open and the bathroom light on. He wondered why he hadn't heard Strife get up. He stepped in quietly, flinching when his boots made the floor squeak. He stood over Cloud, watching the blonde sleep, and Leon got the eerie feeling that something was off. He couldn't quite place it, but something seemed wrong. He shook it off as Heartless paranoia, and bent over Cloud's ear.

"Hey. Strife. It's your turn for the watch," Leon said quietly. He knew the other man was a light sleeper. It should have been enough to wake him. Yet Cloud didn't stir.

Leon gently shook Cloud's shoulder. "Strife. Get up. It's your turn," he said, slightly louder then before. Again, Cloud didn't move. Leon felt is heart rise into his throat. Surely, he should have moved by now?

"Strife! Get up!" Leon said loudly, shaking his shoulder roughly. Nothing. The ex-SOLDIER's skin felt much too cold under Leon's grasp. Underneath his façade of calm, Leon was starting to panic. "Damn it, Strife, wake up!"

"Leon?"

Aerith stood in the doorway, looking slightly ruffled, and she stared at her leader sleepily. "Could you keep it down?"

"Aerith, shush," he snapped, shaking Cloud again.

The brunette backed into the table next to Cloud's bed, and he felt something hit his elbow. He glanced back, out of habit, and promptly ignored it. But when what he saw finally registered in his mind, he whipped back around and snatched it off the table.

A pill bottle. An empty pill bottle. Prescribed to Yuffie, for acute insomnia.

And that was when Leon finally figured out what was wrong with this whole picture. From the moment he stepped into the room, he hadn't heard the steady sound of breathing.

"Aerith," he whispered, placing his fingers on Cloud's much too pale skin. He could barely feel the pulse that beat there. "Call 911. Cloud's not breathing."

* * *

"Do you think it was suicide?" Cid asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

"_Attempted_ suicide, Cid. He's not dead," Leon corrected gruffly. He glanced at the still sleeping man in the hospital bed, thanking the gods for the thousandth time that Cloud was still alive.

"But still, you have to wonder why he took so many. I think he did try to kill himself," Yuffie said quietly. She was the most visibly shaken, seeing as it was her prescription.

They'd rushed him to the ER at three in the morning. Leon could hardly even remember what had happened- the only thing he recalled was panic. And more panic. And fear. Just pure unbridled fear coursing through his veins, making his blood run cold at the thought of Cloud dea-

_No. He's alive. He's not…gone. He's alive. _No matter how many times Leon had repeated it to himself, he still couldn't shake off that fear for Cloud's life. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so frightened, and he hid it well behind the mask of composure, even though that mask was steadily cracking.

"What do you think happened, Leon?" Aerith asked quietly, trying to keep from nodding off. She, Leon, Yuffie, Tifa and Cid sat in an odd semi-circle around the hospital bed, where Cloud simply layed there limply with an IV in his arm. Leon tried not to think about how incredibly sick Cloud looked, his skin paler than normal, his cheekbones sticking out of a gaunt and skinny face. Even his hair looked bad, the spikes drooping down in front of his eyes so that they seemed flat. Leon shook his head and turned to Aerith.

"I think it was an accident." The words were simple, and the exact opposite of what everyone had expected.

"But Leon…" Tifa said incredulously. "I hate to admit myself, but when somebody takes that amount of sleeping pills, then it's usually for a suicide. Why do you think it was an accident?"

Leon continued to stare at the sleeping blonde, trying to think up a competent answer. He had a reason, but he wasn't quite sure how to form it into words. It seemed much too…personal.

"It's just…it's Sephiroth."

That was definitely not what the group had expected. They stared at him open-mouthed.

Leon sighed, remembering how he would catch Cloud muttering Sephiroth's name. Cloud had been reluctant to explain when Leon had asked, and the brunette knew that the ex-SOLDIER had left out quite a few details about the silver haired general. He didn't want to push Cloud too much.

"Sephiroth is Strife's darkness, right? If Strife really had killed himself, it would be like letting Sephiroth win. I don't think he'd be willing to do that," he said softly, pinching the top of his nose with his fingers.

The others turned their gazes back to Cloud, doubtful, but realizing that Leon had a point.

_Knock, knock. _"Excuse me!" A nurse poked her head into the room, her mismatched eyes shining in the bright six o'clock light. Her name tag read Yuna. "I know you've all been here for a while, and they just started cooking breakfast! It's on the first floor, the second hallway on your left, if you want something to eat."

Cid smiled half-heartedly at the nurse. "Thanks. We'll go down for a bit." All of them silently rose to leave- except for Leon. Aerith looked at him questioningly, but let it slide when Leon said he wasn't hungry. She knew he was lying through his teeth.

When they'd all left the room, Leon sighed, relieved, and scooted his chair closer to Cloud's bed. The blonde lay there as still and silent as a- well, a corpse, as much as Leon hated to think it. At least he was breathing now, his heartbeat weak but steady. He lightly touched Cloud's wrist, awkwardly stroking the pallid skin.

"_Before I lay me down to sleep_, 

_I pray the Lord my soul to keep,_

_And if I die before I wake,_

_I pray the Lord my soul to take…"_

Leon couldn't remember the last time he'd recited that childhood prayer, but for some reason the words came out of his mouth unbidden. And he recited it again, over and over, until the words became robotic and he couldn't even hear himself talk anymore.

"Ugh."

Leon _nearly_ jumped through the roof when he heard Cloud groan, saw his eyelids trying so hard to open. He _nearly_ let out a cry of joy when those same damnably beautiful blue eyes opened wearily, looking around at his new bedroom. But of course, we're talking about Leon a.k.a Squall Leonhart. He doesn't jump through the roof and cry out with joy when _Cloud Strife, _of all POSSIBLE people,wakes up from a near-death state. That's just poppycock.

Cloud groaned again, and Leon realized a little late that he was now holding on tightly to Strife's wrist. He let go hurriedly as Cloud turned to face him, confusion written all over his face.

"Squall? Why am I in the hospital?" He sounded like his throat was made of sandpaper. Leon temporarily forgot about being called by his first name and handed Cloud a glass of water.

"You overdosed. On Yuffie's sleeping pills, remember?"

Cloud choked, water spluttering over his lips. Everything from last night seemed so distant, so fuzzy. It was a random stranger's memory, not his own. Those little blue pills in his hands…they weren't his…right?

Leon bit his lip. "Do you remember how many you took?" Silence. "Strife?"

Cloud looked out the window, wincing at the headache blossoming within his skull. "I…think it was ten. Maybe more." Against his will, he glanced back at Leon, and was met with such a look of sorrow that he almost choked again.

"Don't look at me like that!" he snapped, glaring. "I don't want your pity!"

Leon was instantly taken aback, and he was surprised at how much the blonde's accusing words hurt him. He shook his head, brunette locks swinging down agitatedly in front of his eyes. "Pity? You think I _pity_ you? Is that what you're thinking, Strife? Pity is the last thing on my mind-"

"Well then quit looking at me like I'm some pathetic suicidal-"

"I never said you were suicidal, Strife!" Leon yelled, standing up and glowering down the smaller man. "Or was I wrong in assuming that overdosing was just an accident?!"

Now it was Cloud's turn to be taken aback, his eyes wide and his mouth ever so slightly open, as he watched Leon start to pace beside the bed.

"Well, I guess everybody was right and I was wrong," Leon muttered to himself, pacing furiously. "They're all convinced that you tried to do yourself in, and I'm the only one who thought it was just a stupid mistake, and I've guessed you've proved that-"

Cloud suddenly reached out and snatched Leon's wrist, stopping him in his tracks. "Squall." Leon had never heard Cloud's voice sound so needing. Like he was begging for something.

"I-I wasn't…I didn't…" He bit his bottom lip. "You were right. All along."

Leon looked down at Cloud's now bowed head and sighed. "I know." He slowly sat back down into his chair, ignoring the fact that Cloud was still holding onto his wrist. He hoped Strife wouldn't let go.

"I didn't try to kill myself. I just wanted to _sleep. _Just _sleep._ Is that so bad? Is that so wrong of me? I just wanted to sleep. Be at peace. Just for one night…" Cloud whispered to himself, his whole body beginning to tremble. Leon pretended not to notice the tear that fell on the blanket. "One night without _him_ there…"

"…Sephiroth?"

The ex-SOLDIER nodded. "He's always there. Always, whenever I close my eyes. I can see him. I can hear him. I can feel him there, and I can't _do _anything to keep him out!"

Another tear slid down Cloud's porcelain cheek and Leon reached out to wipe it away, but he caught himself. This was _Strife. _He shouldn't be feeling this way towards _Strife. _

Cloud looked up and saw Leon's hand, still frozen next to his cheek. His lips upturned into what could have been considered a sad smile, and then leaned his head forward so that Leon's hand was touching his face.

"You help, you know?" he said, in a sad kind of fondness. "Everytime I look at you…I can't hear him as much. And I don't…_feel _him _quite _as much. He doesn't go away… but it's not a strong, you know? It helps. It helps me fight back. A little bit at a time."

Cloud's tears were flowing freely over Leon's fingers, and he brushed each one away as gently as he could. He lifted his other hand and placed it gently on Cloud's neck, pulling him closer.

"I want to help you," Leon said, guiding his thumb over Cloud's cheek. The blonde just smiled, staring back into a pair of stormy gray eyes.

"You already help. You don't have to do anything- just be Squall. That's it."

Leon sighed and took a steadying breath, then pulled Cloud even closer, until finally their lips were only centimeters apart and he could feel the other's warm breath on his face.

"What are you-?"

"I'm being Squall," he whispered, before he finally placed his lips on Cloud's own. Leon was surprised at how warm Cloud was, how soft, how sweet, and the taste of Cloud's kiss was enough to make his breath hitch in his chest. Cloud's fingers clutched Leon's shirt, and he felt something inside his heart break at Leon's soothing touch. He broke away and buried his face in Leon's neck, trying to stop his tears. Leon said nothing: he just held the smaller man to him, stroking his hair, and comforting him as best as he could. And as the tears finally stopped and neither man could keep his eyes open any longer, Leon layed down next to Cloud on the hospital bed and kissed his face. Heartbeats in time, fingers entwined, they fell asleep.

And when the others came into the hospital room several minutes later, Aerith covered Yuffie and Cid's mouths before they could scream, looked to Tifa and smiled.

"'Bout time, isn't it?"

* * *

**I thought it up Wednesday and finished it today, and I kind of rushed it because of the deadline I set for myself (and we all know how fangirls get when they are story deprived). So if I made some kind of error, don't hesitate to tell me!**

**Oh, and I don't own KH (cuz if I did, I would have made Riku and Sora kiss by now and made the whole thing public), I don't own FF VII, VIII, or X (I borrowed Yuna). HAVE A NICE DAY!!!! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!!!**


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